You go, go. And you don't come back

I need my sadness because I need to keep on feeling human.

Psapp - Leaving in coffins

I have loved you with all my strength

I have loved you with all the force I was capable of. And now I know that I can love. That I have it in me to love someone. Pure, deep love.

Fear...

I don't want to sleep... If I do...it will be minus one day... I want to stay awake as much as possible... And for Sunday morning to never come... the black Sunday... once it was cricket, now it is farewell... 
I drank to get drunk... after such a long time, I wanted to anihilate my senses... not to care, not to love, just for a tiny second... But sometimes the feelings are just stronger than the alcohol... 

Asato ma sadgamaya mantra, Brhadaranyaka Upanishad — I.iii.28

Asato ma sadgamaya

Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya

Mrtyorma amrtat gamaya
Aum Shanti! Shanti! Shanti!

Lead me from the asat to the sat*
Lead me from darkness to light**
Lead me from death to immortality.***
Aum Peace! Peace! Peace!


* Asat and it's opposite, sat, are dififcult to be translated. Sat contains the meaning of Truth, Real - but ultimate Truth and ultimate Reality, the truth that is true independent from time (true in the past, true in the present and true in the future). The True Self is free from dependence, because dependence in the asat ends in pain always. The True Self is Sat. The consciess of the True Self is beyond time, beyond change. Sat is in reality a true part of all asat objects. 
** To be understood as ignorance and knowledge - one obscures true knowledge, which can be obtain through spiritual enlightment.
*** To be understood not as eternal life, like in the case of Christianity, but as "I was never born, nor I cannot die, because I am not the body, the mind and the intellect, but the eternal, blissful consciousness that serves as the substratum for creation."


The human goal is Self-Realization, to merge into the supreme reality. 

How to create an enemy - Sam Keen, "Faces of the enemy"

Start with an empty canvas
Sketch in broad outline the forms of
men, women, and children.

Dip into the unconsciousness well of your own
disowned darkness
with a wide brush and
strain the strangers with the sinister hue
of the shadow.

Trace onto the face of the enemy the greed,
hatred, carelessness you dare not claim as
your own.

Obscure the sweet individuality of each face.

Erase all hints of the myriad loves, hopes,
fears that play through the kaleidoscope of
every infinite heart.

Twist the smile until it forms the downward
arc of cruelty.

Strip flesh from bone until only the
abstract skeleton of death remains.

Exaggerate each feature until man is
metamorphasized into beast, vermin, insect.

Fill in the background with malignant
figures from ancient nightmares – devils,
demons, myrmidons of evil.

When your icon of the enemy is complete
you will be able to kill without guilt,
slaughter without shame.

The thing you destroy will have become
merely an enemy of God, an impediment
to the sacred dialectic of history.

Sam Keen, "Faces of the Enemy. Reflections of the Hostile Imagination", Harper San Francisco, 1991

Yesterday's sadness

Yesterday I was this sad: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4R4PVEwX5U


Sorry, the video was embedded by request

Enmity destroys freedom

Enmity destroys freedom. Only lovers are free to come and go. Enemies dare not let each other out of sight. In the eabsence of being we cling to having; the vacuum of love is filled by hate.

Sam Keen, "Faces of the Enemy", Harper San Francisco, 1991, page 106