The old lady

Every evening when I come back from work (the hour varies, from 9 PM to 11 PM) I walk by an old lady. She is homeless. She sits on the ground, with an icon and she is always reading a religious book. It drives me crazy to see her every day like that.

She is about my height, is dressed for the cold weather outside (even -15 degrees this winter). I don't know where she spends her days, because she arrives there at approximately 5 PM and I honestly don't know if she sleeps on the streets or not. Two months ago, her clothes were looking better. Last week her clothes (same clothes) seemed used. What is odd is that she does not smell bad (our homeless people smell horrible). She does not beg. She just stays there and reads from that religious book. I used to give her money. Every evening. I still give her money, from time to time. But now I don't know why, I feel ashamed. I never listened to her saying thank you to me for giving her money. I couldn't stand that. My heart breaks into small pieces everytime I see her.

She is another victim of our communist regime and of our wonderful transition towards capitalism. There are so many like her out there. And I don't understand. If i search on Google for NGOs that deal with poverty, I find many. But what do these NGOs really do? Why aren't they helping old people?

My dream is to have money one day, much money and build a shelter for old people who end up in the streets (their children kick them out, they are tricked by others into giving them their homes or simply lived in a house given by the state before 1989 and now find themselves being thrown out in the streets because they can't buy that house - a three-room apartment here costs (or costed before the crisis) over 100.000 euros). The average salary in Romania is 400-500 euros. And the old people receive pensions from the state (we have a public pensions' system, and the private pensions market is new here). Some 20% of the old people receive state pensions lower than 100 euros (some less than 50 euros).

Theoretically, because we are a EU member state, we can access structural funds. But the corruption rate here is sooo high that you must have connections to be able to access one of these funds.Why the hell isn't my government accessing funds for these people? Why aren't the NGOs accessing funds for these people? Moreover, because we are now part of the EU, organizations like the UN invest less in Romania.

I never deared to talk to this woman. I don't even know exactly how she looks like, how her face looks like. I always wanted to take a picture of her, but I just pass by every day with the camera in my bag...And I never get enough courage to do it. What is she? A piece in an exposition?