For two weeks I was a zombie. An anti-social creature that talked nothing but non-sense on those only two occasions when I had human contact. Insomnia, depression...
After some absence, I almost forgot that basically nothing changed. That my friend is still my friend whom I can tell anything... and when I say anything, I mean anything, even those things that I don't admit to myself even.
And that made me realize how NOT ALONE I am.
Yes, I do miss him. I miss him holding me after talking with my mother and getting depressed over it. I miss to hear his laughter and see his smile. I miss the sound of his voice, the way he is pronouncing the "r". I miss the possibility of many things that were yet to happened.
To say "best friend" is an understatement. He is my twin soul, my alter ego. He's the one who can be so honest with me that I break, and then to be there to catch me so that I won't fall. He's the one in whose arms I can cry for one hour and still he won't be bored. And still be there with me.
And now I want nothing less from life. Nothing less than this. I cannot live with anything less. I shared moments of pure happiness.
My pain is not smaller now, after almost three weeks . Nor I want it to be. Just that I have learned to carry it with me all the time and not to mend under its burden all the time.
I still cry. Everyday. Sometimes when I'm on the street even. Sometimes I'm in the subway and I feel like wanting to take your hand. I don't know why, we didn't do that when we were together... And then i feel the emptiness around me, how lonely I am, although I'm surrounded by all those people. It's like a part of me is missing. You are the part of me that is missing.
Can anyone understand that this is not a woman in-love talking? But a friend? The happiest and saddest friend on the face of the earth?
And you were happy... And I was also happy. I need to understand why. Why you had to leave. I need our snow fight and me cooking for you and I need so many other things with you. But for that I also need you here, with me.
"we met, we were at a distance for a while, we came close, we came real close, we r inseperable. this is how i can summerise" You've done it perfect. I love you
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
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